My last words to her
Saturday 2nd October 2021, 8:54 AM.
Hey grandma,
I’ve chosen to write because one, Holy Spirit asked me to, and two, I think it would help me feel better/process my thoughts more. I don’t have any answers to why Abba let it be this way, but I’m glad you’re finally resting. Seeing you on Thursday evening, I was really worried when Aunty Seun spoke about how your oxygen levels had been really low, and the doctors were worried because you were taking in more than twice as many breaths per minute than what you normally did. I could also see how you were gasping for breath, and it looked like a chore. I was sitting outside the church on the floor while we were praying on zoom because I wanted to hear what was going on, and I remember feeling so helpless. As I watched you struggle, my heart went out to you, and I said, “Oh Jesus, please help her.” Thoughts were going through my head, and one of them was, “Have we come to the end?”. Before we got off the call, someone was praying for you, and I saw you mouth ‘amen’. Initially, I got really excited when you did it and I thought no one else noticed. But then you mouthed it two other times, which everyone else saw, and we were all elated. I almost didn’t join prayers on Thursday because I normally don’t when I’m in church or at Circuit. But I’m glad I did this time because that was the last time I saw you and I’d never have known it would be the last. I’ve come to know more about you in these last three months that we’ve been praying for you than I ever have. And one thing is sure: you loved and loved with the love of Jesus Christ. I know a lot of people may have had negative experiences with you in the far past, but they are not mine to live, and I’ve chosen to dwell on what I saw.
At 7:00 PM yesterday, I still joined prayers. I wasn’t sure how it would be, but I joined anyway, and I was encouraged by the display of strength Aunty Seun, Aunty Queen and Umma showed last night. When they started sharing their favourite memories of you, I loved their testimonies, but I couldn’t really relate because we weren’t close, and I didn’t get to experience you that much, but I could remember two things. One, the time you shipped all your decoration things to my mum because you had retired from the business. It took her months to sort everything out and arrange them. Items worth millions, you gave her for free. That memory lives rent-free in my head and has probably contributed to why I give away things I no longer need or use to people who are in a better place to use them, even when I could have sold them and made money.
The second memory I have of you is the last time I saw you, a few years ago. It’s not anything special, though. I just remember that we were in the house in Lagos, and we all followed you into the kitchen because you were cooking.
I have a lot to say about the last three months, grandma, but I’ll start by saying thank you. Thank you for stirring my faith and teaching me how to trust God. For stretching me in prayer, and for showing me dimensions of God’s goodness. When I heard that you fell in the bathroom and were in the hospital, for some reason I didn’t pray. I probably just wished you well in my head, and I was like “okay”. I wasn’t too bothered because I know God is always in control. But then we started praying for you at 7:00 AM every day and I never missed. We moved on to sharing the communion on your behalf and God started to reveal things to us. I still remember the day Uncle Tonye told us God was going to start speaking to us and giving us instructions concerning you. He was right: the words started to flow. Whether it was foreseeing problems and informing us with specific things to pray about for you, or words of encouragement when we needed it, or things concerning our hearts, He spoke, we listened and we took them up in prayer.
With you, I saw how intentional God is about His children and the families He places them in. Not just you and us, but the rest of the body of Christ as well. The testimonies and things God did while you were in the hospital are unparalleled and I pray I never forget them. From defying all the negative reports they continuously gave us, to surrounding you with believers and a strong prayer force, to waking you up, and so much more, we saw His hand in unimaginable ways, and I’m glad that I got front row seats to watch it all unfold.
This past week, I strongly believe God prepared us for your passing and I’m saying this in hindsight, even though we couldn’t see it at the time. The songs we had been singing and dancing to this week had two themes surrounding them: thanksgiving and victory. So, we had been proclaiming victory and thanking God, even though we didn’t know it was going to end this way. We had dreams of you awake, well, dancing, singing, continuing the work Abba asked you to do, and so much more. Yesterday, Holy Spirit ministered to me that what we saw is happening now. You are free, you are whole, you are dancing, singing, praising, and worshipping your maker, and that is enough for me. It is more than enough.
Yesterday, mummy came to my room to tell me you had passed. This is around 4:15 PM, roughly two hours after you went to sleep. I was sitting in front of my laptop at my desk, applying for a programme. She was on the phone with Aunty Gift, so she left after telling me. I had tried to complete the form I was filing, but I needed some time to process my thoughts at the moment, so I stood up and walked to the window. I opened it to bring in my shoes, but I left it open, just so I could stare at the scene in front of me. And then I said, “God, is this how this thing is? Really?”. I contemplated going to sit outside for a while to clear my head but I stayed in my room. I couldn’t bring myself to cry, because after seeing you struggle to breathe on Thursday night, I was at peace because I know you are resting now. So I started to thank God. I thanked Him because we were not put to shame, even though the devil was whispering lies to me, trying to tell me otherwise. Holy Spirit told me we had two options on your case: victory or victory, and now, we have victory over you. So, we’re actually rejoicing because we won. It’s a painful way to win, but “We did it, Joe!” We won!
On Thursday night, when I came home from church, I was downcast and I prayed with Bode, just before I slept. But one of the songs I played that night was Victory Belongs to Jesus because He had already started speaking to me about victory, even if I didn’t know at the time.
Yesterday, I played songs for our morning prayers, and I played Psalm 46 (Lord of Hosts), Victory Belongs to Jesus, and If God Be For Me. I don’t think there were any coincidences with that. This morning, Aunty Queen played The Anthem. Jesus has won the victory, and we are grateful.
Grandma, my favourite thing about you is that no one can talk about you without mentioning the name of Jesus. As far as I’m concerned, that is the highest calling and the greatest honour of your life. The kingdom of God is blessed because of the giant that you are, and everyone keeps talking about how instrumental you were to the spread of the gospel in Southern Nigeria, starting with Rivers State. Only heaven knows the reach of your works. Just like Paul said, Grandma, you have fought the good fight, you have finished the race, and you have kept the faith. There is now laid up for you a crown of righteousness which the Lord will reward you with.
Honestly, your life has inspired me so much more in this past 3 months and I’m encouraged to do all I can do to hear the words, well done good and faithful servant. One thing Umma had told us God said to her concerning you was that He was “establishing you as an oath of righteousness to be displayed for His splendour”. I found so much courage in that, and I wrote it on a piece of paper that has been sitting on my table for the past 5 weeks. Whenever I would get discouraged or wary about your health, I would read it and be encouraged, knowing that God was at work. Now, I can confidently say that what He said, He has done.
Grandma, October 1 will always be Nigeria’s Independence Day and the start of my favourite month of the year. And while we celebrate Uncle Deinbo’s birthday, we will also sing and dance for joy for the memories of you, and the life you lived. A soldier, a warrior, a fighter you were, till the very end.
I love you grandma, and I will see you soon. ❤
Love,
Amaka
